Greetings!
This is R.J. Smithers, reporting from the uneasy comfort of our very own Lighthouse 31 to provide you with an explanation for our existence. As stressed by the Board of Directors, I am nowhere near as important as what I represent, so allow me to introduce you to Lighthouse Inc.
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"What is Lighthouse Inc?" I hear your ask.
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Since the dawn of some time in the late 1880's, it has been the duty of Lighthouse Inc. to safeguard reality from the macabre machinations and the uncanny abominations oozing out the Rift Sea and the Dark Woods. Armed with alchemy, guns, and tax dollars; we protect the rational from the irrational! While you eat, sleep, weep, and work; supernatural occurrences are attempting to pierce reality. They seek to break down the natural-law until we're reduced to mindless slugs oozing sideways up inverted walls (if you don't know what that means, then you've come to the right place). Our Lighthouses are the wall that keeps them at bay. Manned by a top-notch crew of three minimum-wage adults approaching middle-age, we are what stands between you and the grotesque fiends itching to take a bite outta your savory hindquarters.
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"But Mr. Smithers," I hear you say. "I've never heard of this enigmatic 'Lighthouse Inc.' Why spill the secrets and bless us with your golden voice and smooth linguistic talents?"
Lighthouse 31 Upon the Sea:
Named after the late Outpost 31, Lighthouse 31 is the official Reality-Stabilizer of Crag City. All citizens, both Human and Monster, live under its magnificent shadow.
Unfortunately, due to circumstances we can't control (not for lack of trying), we live in the Modern Age, and that means we have to adapt. For many years we were able to ignore societal progress and focus on the uncanny, but if we wish to survive, we must grow! At least that's what the Board of Directors want me to say.
Crack in Para-Space:
Don't worry! This is just an artistic depiction of what is happening to our reality as you read this!
In reality, a sudden mismanagement of funds- courtesy of the ever wiser Crag City Council- forced the Board to cut some budgets. While cutting our budget as we're protecting reality may seem ludicrous, we also acknowledge the vaguely phallic, rainbow statue erected near City Hall was an absolute MUST for some. Consequently, more things have been slipping through the cracks, which is why we have created this site!
Surviving all the eldritch horrors roaming down the street is a tall order, but it can be done with the right tools. This site will serve as an informative newsletter/PSA/warning/blog/shift-in-accountability to keep you up to speed on the latest night-terrors the Rift Sea and Deep Woods throw at us. Every week we will present happenings near and around your area, people and places of interest; and what we do as proud (underpaid) members of Lighthouse Inc. Every once in awhile, we may throw a helpful tip your way, but I can't promise anything too helpful. With this knowledge, we'll face the horrors within the Rift Sea and Dark Woods together. We'll better ourselves and prepare for the worst, without saying any of the following to the eldritch horrors:
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"Do your worst!" They were already gonna do that. They don't need your permission.
"Com' at meh bro!" You'll be half eaten before you can say 'bro'.
"I have the power!" No you don't.
"I have the power of friendship!" No you don't.
"I am the chosen one!" Yeah, chosen to die alone.
Follow our posts and keep up with the uncanny, and you'll have increased your chances of surviving the horrors beyond understanding by at least 47%.
Thank you, stay safe, and remember the official motto of those working at Lighthouse 31:
"Everything is Fine!
You're Not Going to Die!"
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