Here's to another 21,900 days of our alliance! Can't believe it lasted this long.
Portrait of Goodwill - 2020
Left to Right:
Benjamin Bytes - Maria the Intrusion - G.I.A.S. Cod
60th Annual Celebration!
Ladies and gentlemen! It's nearly time to kick off the annual Midtide Festival. Officials and citizens all over the City are preparing for what will surely be a 12-hour spectacle of emancipative frivolity and congenial indulgences.
It'll absolutely wreck our budget, but we'll face the financial hangover the morning after.
This particular Midtide Festival holds a sacred importance as it marks the 60th anniversary of the Witching Treaty and the original Portrait of Goodwill. This has launched a desire amongst the Rift Sea Cities to make their festival more historically significant than all others.
For 20 years, the City of Merkberg has consistently shown us up. Mayor Louie Smalls had this to say on the matter, quote: "If those free-loving, hippies get praised for another flamboyant parade, I'll fly over and burn their markets to the ground! See if burnt Merkbergian still smells like hemp and coffee beans!!" (slurs and profanities omitted).
With all the excitement putting the public in nervously high spirits, one can only wonder: "What are Crag City's plans for the festival?" Usually, you'd have to wait until the day before to know for certain, but worry not! With our inside connections (and Pocket Sam's sticky fingers), we'll be sharing all the juicy Midtide details so you can plan accordingly!
Midtide Festivities and Oddities:
While you can expect many games and confections typical of any carnival, there are clear efforts to make the festivities as accommodating to our diverse range of residence as possible. Noble as this may seem, this has led to a few conflicting- and morally ambiguous- activities. Here's just a few of what we can look forward to:
Ms. August & her Flying Ferris Wheel: The friendliest Drider, Ms. August, is back from her travels in the Dark Woods! For a small fee of a childhood memory or $10, you can take a ride on her flying Ferris Wheel.
The wheel will take you all across the Festival and Crag City for the most breathtaking views.
Anyone caught kissing will be met with immediate exsanguination.
Kentucky Fried Everything: You heard that right! Since we're accommodating the eating habits of all races and cultures, everything can be deep-fried.
All items not on the official menu must be provided by the customer.
On the off chance your moral compass doesn't work- or is non-existent- the price will be determined by the weight of any ethical concerns.
Hall of Mirrors: Even the wisest cannot tell what the mirrors may show. While most create strange shapes, some are capable of revealing the past or future. If you're especially quiet, you may even spot some of the Mirror Folk. Some may also show you naked, so have fun figuring that out.
This attraction is back after a four-year hiatus after the recent apprehension of the MirrorGate Stalker.
Icarus Whicker is banned from this exhibit.
Head Balloons: Talking, singing, breathing balloons made in the likeness of you!
Just don't let them pop!
The Pets of Paul MacManus: Paul MacManus, owner of the MacManus Museum of Unnatural Oddities, is showcasing his collection of chimeras and rare wildlife breeds to the public for the first time since the '93 Incident.
WARNING: any snotty children left unattended will be fed to Clyde.
The Limb Snatcher: A test of agility and reaction speed! Shaped awfully like a guillotine, one simply places any appendage of their choosing beneath the fabled Hotfoot Blade. At the ready, see how fast you can remove your limb before the blade removes it for you.
Not advised for people with strong attachment to their limbs or incapable of limb regrowth.
Reattachment won't be possible after limb is deep-fried, so make sure you claim it.
Neighborhood Rugby: All-day rugby games featuring anyone willing to participate.
While we are well aware teams should be better organized, watching a Pixie run in terror from a wall of Mountain Trolls is part of the excitement.
Fire-breathing is no longer permitted, and Mages are limited to support roles.
Wolves are release at half-time.
Aegis of Fortune: Get your fortune told or your palm read by Aegis the Shrouded- the fabled wanderer of the Rift Sea Shore. With her expertise, you'll learn what's in store for you, or what lurks within you. She'll also grant you three wishes.
Payment made exclusively in the form of unforeseen consequences with 13% interest.
Unco Lottery: For a small fee of $2, you can enter to win a new car or up to one million dollars!
Every third name drawn gets struck by lightning.
Flea Market: All day, vendors and shop stands will be open to sell antiques, relics, DIY products, and obscure art. No doubt, you'll find something that catches your fancy.
Payment is discussed between vendor and customer. Please keep it civil- we don't want a repeat of the Bargain Monday Massacre. That remains, to this day, an embarrassing stain on our city's reputation.
Final Hour:
The final hour of the Midtide Festival will be marked by the creation of this year's Portrait of Goodwill. Three people will be chosen to symbolize the peace and prosperity brought forth by the Witching Treaty. This position will be chosen by none other than the staff of Lighthouse 31.
The City Council won't stop electing each other or their friends.
When this is complete, the final spectacle will begin: the lighting of the Midnight Lights. Lanterns and fireworks will be lit and sent blazing into the night sky, marking the end of the Midtide Festival and the creation of the 2021 Portrait of Goodwill. This'll be the only time Lighthouse 31 will shine without cause for alarm.
The Midtide Festival begins October 31st and will last from noon to midnight. Anyone who is late won't have enough time to enjoy all the festivities; anyone who stays after midnight will likely be shot.
It's not part of the celebration; there's a maniac on the loose.
This is R.J. Smithers signing off. Thank you, and remember:
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